NASA's new hit movie: "Artemis II - The Magic Mini Van & Revenge of the Clean Shaven”. A Film Review including a Video and Dataset summary.

In crayon for the Fanboys. If just 10% of the objections are correct, the mission was a fraud. There is a zero probability that the listed objections are all wrong. How confusing.

Greatest Scientist Evah….on the Greatest Journey Evah. Just showing off for the Fanboys. Einstotle doing some gymnastics on the back of the Orion Mini Van. Caught by the camera affixed to the 63 foot long solar panel. Telling jokes, having some fun in the vacuum. It was all Relative.

Two of the three NASA-Moon-Trilogy films have been released:

• #1, “Apollo 11 -To the Moon and Back; the Saga of the Strongest Arms” (1969, starring Neil Strong-Arm and Buzz ‘The Drunk’ Aldrin) and,

• #2, “Artemis II - The Magic Mini Van & Revenge of the Clean Shaven” (2026, starring Actors unknown, who have disappeared).

Fanboys are impatiently awaiting the final film of the Trilogy, “Artemis III - Moon Jeeping: The CGI/AI Strike Back”, when the Artemis Mini Van returns the golf clubs and jeeps to the lunar surface. Surely the greatest spectacle evah. Maybe they will prove that the ‘1969 Reflector’ is still there, right beside the golf course, in wonderful health, undisturbed by lunar dust or cosmic events.

Filming/Simulation:

Pick your favourite parts (or frauds), of the Artemis II-Orion-Mini Van journey (film). If only 3 are true, the mission was a deceit, a neo-Kubrick production.

1. Experience: The ‘Astronauts’ and their lack of experience and paucity of biographical detail including training (at least in the 1960s NASA offerred young men, top-gun pilots, with seemingly real experience and training in jet aircraft)

2. Launch: The lift off, trajectory of the flight, the emergency cable cars in motion (all very curious, why the angle of the rocket trajectory, why the cable cars?)

3. Hotel VAR: The 42 hour stopover at 46 K miles in altitude, just above the Van Allen Radiation belts, idling in a plasma furnace, keep in mind that Apollo 11 zipped through the ~40.000 miles of VAR belts in ‘10 minutes’ (You would die, but apparently Orion had an urgent meeting with Hans Solo and the boys, a dinner and a catchup, “So Chewy what is Darth up to, and is Damon still defectating into his potato garden on Mars? Pray tell old chap.”)

4. All Quiet on the Cosmic Front: 30 or so cosmic-solar events per day, except when NASA sends its Mini Vans into action, not a single catalogue of any irruption over 7 trips to the Moon (Apollo + Orion) (smartest guys evah are expert at solar calendaring)

5. Fuel and Fools: The 2000 US gallons of hydrogen, which burns off and turns into gas at almost any temperature, is enough for a 500K mile trip where you are pushing a Mini Van against cosmic aether (take your time with the calculation)

   1. Re-entry, they ‘skipped’ from 75 miles alt to 150 miles…on what? By their own calcs they had no fuel left, and certainly no thruster power

      1. They would be dead anyway long before then, at 40K miles alt the ESM (power) is jettisoned, the battery (AA for a transport), would not function, Ionic bleed would run it down and you are dark, frozen and quite dead before you hit 75 miles altitude

6. Batteries: The net 11kw of energy produced by Solar panels which on take-off were folded like an angel’s wings over the fuel module (ESM) (the thrust and G force to exit the atmosphere would rip them off)

   1. A kw = Kilowatt or a measure of power and speed of energy burn/usage

   2. BUT: the max storage capacity is 14 kwh, the 11 kw is irrelevant → Note kwh = Kilowatt-hour which is the measure of energy capacity or the total size of potential battery storage which can be consumed

   3. 14 kwh is equivalent to running a Transport truck on a AA battery

      1. Your neighbour’s ridiculous subsidised 2-tonne Tesla, sitting in their lane as an icon to gullibility, ignorance, lack of critcal thinking, runs on 75-80 kwh

   4. NASA is telling you that they are running a Moon-orbiting Mini Van which is 5 x the weight of a Tesla, on 5 times less battery power (take your time in processing that)

   5. Result in real life: The actor-nauts are in the dark and dead before day 5

7. No Radiation: No telemetry from the VAR belts or from any part of the trip, on radiation, cosmic or solar events (just your average trip to the dentist say the Fanboys)

8. Rad Protection: Lack of radiation protection in a thin hulled Mini Van, which would need 2-3 feet of lead, protons and radiated particles easily pass through metal and material (confirmed by NASA in its alleged-2022 Artemis 1 unmanned journey)

   1. how is it possible that none of the Actor-nauts are ill or dead?

   2. did they hide behind water and food based on NASA’s recommendation?

9. Braking: The slowdown from Mach 32 to 3-4 and the ‘slingshot’ around the Moon at 4000 miles altitude from the surface, zooming back to Mach 32; no fuel burn, no problems (no chance of that)

10. Selfies: iPhone and Outlook photos and communications, in real time up on ‘social media’ in an instant (absurd)

11. Images: The composite photos (amateur hour)

12. Interference: No bit flips, drops or aetheric radiative interference in the comms (impossible)

13. Transmission: Transmitter 10-100x too small to transmit rich data in real time

14. Re-Entry: The Re-entry at 24000 mph into the atmosphere, using the never-before-tried triple jump routine, 5000 F, defying Kinetic, Hydrostatic and Thermal reality

15. Physics: The fact that glass, fibres and plastics apparently don’t melt at 5000 F according to NASA and the Fanboys

    1. The backhull and glass were not covered with the magic Avcoat, they would melt

    2. Avcoat is ‘ablative’, meaning it chars and carbonises, at 5000 F the entire Mini Van must look like a toasted marshmallow

    3. The Mini Van’s hull is aluminum, even with the Merlin-approved-Avcoat layer, physically something called a ‘heat soak’ must happen,

       1. The temperature differential between 5,000°F on the outside and the 660°C (1,220°F) melting point of the aluminum hull is so massive, the heat would be transferred through the honeycomb cells via conduction

       2. This would destroy the structural integrity of the Mini Van and it would implode under atmospheric pressure

       3. You would be dead in under 3 minutes (re-entry takes 25 minutes according to NASA)

16. Hydrostatic pressure: The never before known fact that hydrostatic pressure generated by a 10 tonne Mini Van slamming into a thick atmosphere does not exist, they are ‘re-entering’ from 10.000 miles altitude (NASA) - and hitting the ‘official’ re-entry ‘interface point’ at 75 miles altitude at 24.000 mph (density here is 10^-7 kg/m³) (see NB1 table at the end for what happens by atmospheric-layer, as the Mini Van re-enters).

17. Kinetic energy: A new insight never before uncovered that kinetic energy does not translate into thermal energy and has no impact on material constructions

    Kinetic Energy: KE = ½mv²

    1. The equivalent of the Mini Van travelling at 24000 mph hitting the atmosphere, is the force of your car at 60 mph hitting a wall x 160.000, with the wall hitting back at your car with a million hammers for 15-20 minutes

    2. It is unlikely your car would be unblemished and structurally sound after such a trauma

    3. You would die

18. Paint it White: On re-entry, we see a pristine, white painted condition of the Mini-Van, no heat transfer to the water, no signs of 5000 F thermal friction

19. Water World: The amazing discovery that a 10 tonne Mini Van travelling at 20 mph with parachutes attached does not displace water on impact

20. Glove Compartment: The interesting revelation that 1500 lbs of parachutes covering thousands of square feet, were nicely and neatly folded up in the glove compartment of the Mini Van, and were issued forth in a complicated ballet of pyrotechnics with nary a snag or issue and not a single visual confirmation

21. Ubermensch: Superhumans emerging from the pristine Mini Van, clean shaven, healthy, no signs of any ill effects from a radiation rich journey, lack of sleep, excessively unhygienic conditions, and a terrifying re-entry

22. Dinner reservations: Splashing down right on time, perfect landing near San Diego (zero probability of this from 40.000 miles altitude), lots of time to change and make those dinner reservations at the Michelin-rated Fort Oak Steakhouse and to hit the bar after to watch ‘the big game’ (eating globs for 10 days makes the Actor-naut a hungry boy)

23. Testing: No evidence of ‘production’-grade, realistic testing of the Actor-nauts, the Mini Van, the components, the battery processes, the use of energy or fuel, the solar panel process, the communications, the exit, re-entry with human navigators in conditions which imitate the ‘go live’ journey (it was all just a simulation)

It was easy Chud you idiot. A luxury ride to the Moon in the state of the art Mini Van, eco-friendly solar power Chudly and lots of gas, Netflix included. Sit back and enjoy the jaunt. Take some selfies.

NB1: Table at the end of what happens by atmospheric layer once you turn off your VR goggles and stop watching movies or listening to UFO nonsense.

NB2: At the end of this post are some simple home experiments you can perform to prove to yourself that ‘they did it’ (or maybe not).

1-Video on the issues (about 20 slides), you might need to pause and reflect during the sequencing.

2-Simple spreadsheet with some obvious errors and issues:

Bottom Line

US$ 1.5 Trillion in NASA funding since the 1970s and they cannot even get the CGI and AI right.

All Hail.

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NB -1 A Table of reality

Fanboys Note: You cannot ‘skip’ a craft travelling at 24K mph from 75 miles back up to 150 miles in altitude. This is physically impossible. Akin to dropping a stone straight down into a pond and expecting it to ‘skip’ across the water. The magic parachutes emanating from the glove compartment are fired into use at 30.000 feet or roughly 6-7 miles altitude. You are dead long before then.

NB2 - simple tests you can do at home to imitate a 10 tonne Mini Van crashing into the atmosphere, or surviving in space on the magic of Solar panels